17 August 2011

Heebie Jeebies

Welcome back to I wonder Wednesday! Some peculiar thoughts and events surrounding my thoughts this week.  I’ll start with why in the heck spiders have to be a part of our echo system.  I’m sure I’m not alone when I say I can’t stand them eight legged freaks!

Two nights ago I was on the porch with a friend chatting as she came to pick up her baby.  Suddenly she says “don’t back up!”.  And the tone of her voice was right in sync with some horror movie.  Low and behold a giant wolf spider was perched on the screen door behind me. 

Just a few days earlier his buddy had met his match with my girlfriends flip flop in the basement while we were painting.  I cannot express how strongly I loath spiders.  It’s really like a hate hate relationship.  I hate them because they creep me out and they hate me because I shrill and start throwing and swinging things around.


*Opening the screen door oh so carefully*

Me: Honey get out here and bring a shoe!

Hubby: Really?

Me: There’s an eight legged mammal on the porch! Hurry!

Hubby: Yeah that’s a big one.

Hubby swats at it with his shoe and the spider drops and runs under the lip of the front door stoop. I’m breathing heavy with nostrils flaring.

Me: Don’t you dare leave it there!  It will get into the basement and if it see’s Jared it might try to retaliate!

Hubby: Who is Jared?

Me: Oh he’s the spider Tammy beat to death with her flip flop.

Hubby: You named it.

Me: Well no, technically Tammy named him.

Hubby: I’ll be right back.

Me: How in the hell do those things get so big?

My friend: They eat small children.

Me: Run for your life Vincent! (He’s the baby)

Hubby comes back with some butane and a lighter. 


Hubby: This will get him.

Hubby sets the torch a blaze and the spider takes off across the porch like a bat outta hell…

Me: Get him, get him! 

Hubby: I’m trying, he’s a fast little effer!

Me: Don’t let him get away!

As the spider nears the edge of the porch and ultimately jumps to his freedom in the bushes…

Spider: Geronimo!

Me: You let him escape!

Hubby: That’s right.  Tell your friends mofo!

After some research on these nasty little buggers I found this… The highlighted section cracked brought a smile to my face.

Wolf Spiders ...venomous - non-aggressive

Venom toxicity - the bite of the Wolf Spider is poisonous but not lethal. Although non-aggressive, they bite freely if provoked and should be considered dangerous to humans. The bite may be very painful. First aid and medical attention should be sought as soon as possible, particularly as to children or the elderly.

Spider Identification - an adult is 1/2 inch to more than 1 inch in body length - mottled gray to brown in color, with a distinct Union Jack impression on its back. The female carries it's young on its back.
Habitat - this spider is a ground dweller, with a burrow retreat. It has a roving nocturnal lifestyle to hunt their prey and can move very rapidly when disturbed. Commonly found around the home, in garden areas with a silk lined burrow, sometimes with a lid or covered by leaf litter or grass woven with silk as a little fence around the rim of the burrow.



Kadbury said...

How afraid am I of spiders? A True Story:
Last month I spotted a spider on my 5 yr olds Little Tykes bench. I quickly moved over to my husband and quietly (so as not to alarm my daughter) and told my husband to 'get it.' Then the spider did an acrobatic dive onto the back of my little girl's shirt. Did I save her? NO. I shoved my husband forward and screamed 'GETIT GETITGETIT!'
Sad, really. Just sad...
If you're interested,here's my take on wolf spiders:



Tammy @ Type A said...

poor Jared! lol

Carri @ Redefining C said...

ewww....gross! I am not a fan of spiders. They are icky, creepy little bastards!! I make my hubby smash them when he is home. I do not like when they move. Watching a spider scamper off rapidly gives me gag reflux and dry heaves. Not too mention goose bumps!! Find it and KILL it! ;) Good luck!

gina said...

Love your commentary! You are lucky the porch didn't catch on fire....that was some torch!!

Betsy said...

I KNOW I would have had a heart attack. I hope the shoe took care of this monster!

Jane @ Jane's Junk and Treasures said...

I tangled with one last night!

He won, I lost him!

Tiaras & Bow Ties - Think Smink said...

I've just about finished choking on my drink, laughing at your post! I just knew I wasn't the only person on this earth who had a completely and utterly vile reaction to spiders, especially when they are big and hairy like that! too funny...

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