03 August 2011

Do You Ever Wonder?

My favorite line from a popular song reads “It’s time to loose your mind and let the crazy out”.  And that is just what I’m about to do.

Here are some things I wonder I about.

With such a unique name and spelling such as my own, Sommer, why do I find that just one shift to the left on the key board and I find myself signing “Sinner”.  And then every time I see it I read way too far into it.  Like is god trying to tell me something?  And then I remember that I’m not even religious so for a person who doesn’t believe in sinning and redemption this is a true mind boggler!

The other day I was going to pick up some stuff from a freecycler.  My husband bought me a GPS two years ago when we moved so I would be able to make my way around without calling him every five minutes.  I have a horrible sense of direction.

So I use my trusty GPS.  I say trusty with much apprehension, the truth is I really don’t trust it at all.  For one thing, the lady yells at me.  That’s right.  I’ll be going down the road and she’s all “Turn left!  Turn left!” and I’m like “I can’t turn left yet, don’t you see that brick wall?!”  And then she’s all “Recalculating!” with this attitude cause she’s mad at me for not turning into the wall.  Geez.

Then she’s like “Make a U-turn when it’s safe”.  So I’m waiting for this lady who is older than time to make it across the crosswalk and the GPS lady starts in on me again.  “Make a U-turn when it’s safe!”.  And I’m all damn girl, I’m waiting for the old lady to cross the road!  Get off my case already.  So does she listen?  No.  She says it again!  So I’m like listen here B***h, if I hit that little old woman it’s gonna be all your fault!  What are you gonna do then huh? Huh? And then finally I turn around and she’s like “Recalculating” again!  WTF? 

I wonder if I could tear that GPS apart and make it smarter.  Like upload a voice of my choosing.  And then teach it to learn.  Like an artificial intelligence GPS.  So like when I’m driving down the road and slam on the brakes it knows there must be an old piece of furniture on the road.  And then each time I drive past that destination it can remind me to check and see if there is any furniture there.

Or when I drive by Walgreens it will know that is where I get my prescriptions so it can say “Do you have any prescriptions to pick up today princess?”.  Yeah I would teach it to call me by pet names and when I miss a turn it would say “Don’t worry about that, now you can stop for ice cream while I find a better route for you to take”.

Speaking of smarter.  The lifeguards at our community pool could stand to increase their IQ by a few points.  I was there with my kids and a friend who brought her 1yr old baby boy.  He’s crawling but not walking yet.  We were all in the pool when they blow the time out whistle.  This is the whistle they all blow at once to tell all the kids to get out for a ten minute break. 

So the kids all get out and sit on the edge of the pool with their feet in.  One lifeguard blows her whistle telling the kids to get their feet out.  Then the next guard blows her whistle to tell us to get the baby out.  That’s when I started to wonder.  Why the heck can’t we be in the pool with the baby?  So my son was helping get the baby out while my friend climbed out.  Then the guard blew the whistle again telling him to get his feet out of the pool and I let the crazy out. 

So I asked the manager guard why in the heck the kids couldn’t dangle their feet in the water as they have done hundreds of times in the past.  This is because the break is to encourage them to use the bathroom and if they are sitting with their feet in the pool they wont go to the bathroom.  Is it just me or could this be the case when they are sitting on the lounge chair eating Cheetos as well?  You can’t force a child to use the bathroom people.  Keeping their feet out of the water isn’t going to make them go to the bathroom anymore than you dressing up as a giant toilet brush.

So then I asked why we couldn’t stay in the water with the baby.  Since he can’t swim and can’t sit on the side of the pool this means now we have to get out as well.  Or maybe this is to encourage the parents to use the bathroom?  I do sometimes forget to go and soil myself on a regular basis.

Well this time he gave me the same reason.  The rule is to encourage all the children to use the bathroom.  They don’t want the babies being left in the pool for hours on end and this helps ensure they are having their diapers changed.

Well I don’t know about those other babies but our baby can swim for 12 hours non stop. No bottle, no nap.  He’s like a super baby, he has skin that never gets burned, he can go at whole day without filling a diaper and he NEVER gets fussy.  C’mon people! 

Then the manager tells me that other parents get very upset when they make exceptions to these rules.  That’s when I said “Look at my face… do I look HAPPY?!!”

There you have it, the things I wondered about this past week.  I don’t know about the masses but these kinds of things get me thinking all the time so I want to start a regular “I Wonder Wednesdays” on the blog to keep things light and fun.  Depending on how it goes it may be every week or twice a month.  We’ll see where it goes. 

And please feel free to add in the comments about the things you wondered about this week!




Carri K said...

Hilarious! This cracked me up!! I wonder about random things all day long. My list would be endless. lol!

Nutbird said...

Is this a public pool? If so complain to the Rec Department. Is this a private pool? If so complain to the Pool Committee. This is ridiculous. I have never heard of a time out. If you are paying for this, you should have a say in the rules.
Most GPS systems are crap. I live 1 and 1/2 miles from a major highway. They always send me through the middle of town to join the highway several exits down the line.
Your fingers could just as easily write Sunny or something nicer. Normal people don't usually sin, so don't worry about it. Put a sticker on the "J" so that your fingers are in the right spot. Ann

Unknown said...

haha thank you so much for a great laugh! I just joined your blog and I absolutely love it! I quite like the idea of I Wonder Wednesdays!
Keep up the great work!!

Ann said...

Love this post! Like you, I'm wondering all the time about something. If you want to learn what I wondered about this past week, hop on over to today's post on my blog. Hint: it has to do with the moon.

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